Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
