I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
