u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
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