so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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