And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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