the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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