and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
