we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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