i will never coherently bang her
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
