Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
