don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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