I'm eating all of the evidence.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
