Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
