you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
