I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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