yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
