You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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