i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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