When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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