end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
