How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
