The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
