YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
