Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
