people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
