did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize