Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
