Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
