It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
