Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Why are your pants in the freezer?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
