So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
