wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
