I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
