I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
