I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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