paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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