Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
