If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
