Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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