peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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