If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
