I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
