Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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