shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
