Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
