i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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