the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
