Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
