you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
