If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
