i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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