he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
