Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
