Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You can't just leave with hair like that
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
