I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
