So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
