my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
